Possibilities

Another Sunday night here in the south of Holland and another weekend has gone by. The time really is flying by. I think I am noticing it even more because I have had alot of down time lately and it has been tough to enjoy it completely. I really hate to admit that, but it is the truth. Last week felt like I was hit with too much time to think and it felt a bit uncomfortable for myself. I really do embrace reflection time and I love to read, write and think. However I have to say this last week was one of the roughest I have ever had. Every possible insecurity,inadequacy, sad time, angry time, lost time,happy times, hopeful maybes,etc.... just everything entered my mind and it was really tough to just sit with it. You don't realize how much "trash" you carry around in your head until you are given the time to let it all come out. Even my dreams were vividly bringing up issues. It was exhausting but my saving grace is being able to journal, do more yoga and tai chi( my new favorite thing to do)and try my best to still my mind to not make matters worse. One thing I realized stilling the mind gets you through the pain quicker, if that makes sense. The mind can prolong painful things but when you just allow it to come out, it seems to pass quicker. And now as a result I feel like I did get through the worst of it. I really felt like I let go of a lot of "trash" this last week and over the weekend. I have been longing for new beginnings for a long time, not because anything was wrong with my life, I have been very fortunate with my life and am grateful for that. But I have been looking to just expand myself and explore even bigger experiences and connect with different kinds of people and travel even more. Well I definitely put this in motion with a move to another country for sure and now the rest is what is following. There was no way that I could have prepared for this part in any way at all. You know the spiritual cleansing part or at least that is what I am calling it. I now am starting to see one of the reasons I am here is to let go of the need to control everything in my life and to let it just be what it is going to be and follow the flow of it. I realize my intense need to "know" what is going to happen has kept me from really experiencing the fullness of life to a certain degree. Over the last few years, I have suffered losses and heartbreaks one after the other and it was a bit much. I think I just naturally developed a reflex reaction to just always be prepared for everything. I had no intention of getting caught off guard, that was something I was making sure of. But now I realize you can get caught off guard by good things too not only bad. And the more you try to control things the more the universe shows you the opposite. Or at least that has been my experience and I find that quite funny! For example now that I am Europe, I am getting so many opportunities in the US ,in places that I would love to move to one day or would have if it had come up a few months ago. I guess it is Murphy's law! I was talking to someone recently about spending 3-4 months at a time in a different geographical location later on in life. Maybe that will be the next step after Europe for me to set up my life with someone that might want the same thing to travel the world and spend short periods of time in some of our favorite places in the world, work for really meaningful organizations and do our work on the road. Who knows, anything is possible! I like to dream of the possibilities. I will remain hopeful and open because you never really know for sure what you may be doing tomorrow.

I really am seeking to learn balance in life in general. Something I can take where ever I might move to next or end up. I am not saying I am moving from here anytime soon, I like it here very much and the experiences I am having. But you never truly know what can happen in your life that sometimes the tracks change in a second. You just have to be and remain open to the infinite possibilities that are out there for you. So as this weekend is coming to a close I am just relaxing this beautiful Sunday evening at home sipping some good red wine, eating some dark chocolate and curled up with another great book, The Secret of the Golden Flower. That combo always helps any kind of blues for sure. I do feel grateful for this time to reflect and get prepared for the next chapter of my life. It is time to re-engage with my life and get out there again.

I am so happy to hear from all of you , thank you for the emails and kind words. I wish you a great week filled with infinite possibilities that will brighten your days ahead.

Till tomorrow!

In love and gratitude

Asha